Notes On 45th Birthday or Being An Eternal Tourist

Sometimes I would
like to walk
thru a door

I don't gno
what is behind this door
hopefully some answers

This door can be
white, yellow, orange, green, blue or even pink

I really don't care
what color
I just want
a door like this
to be there so badly

Why?
Well maybe to explain
why I have had sex, made love to
or been fucked
by at least 300 different men

And 99.9999 percent
are but
the vaguest of
ghosts now

I used to drink a lot (maybe this explains some of the men)

The booze now replaced by Oxycodone and Xanax
kindly provided by our friendly fascist state

The United States of Amnesia

I find these are good "tools" to use to live in our brave (or cowardly and despicable) new world

3 women tried to save me from myself

One was a friend who liked to talk about Europe and books

One was my tenth-grade English teacher

One was my mother
we were driving to somewhere?
from somewhere?
on a cold Colorado nite sometime in 1982

In the brown Oldsmobile 98
a car I always loved for some reason
purchased in the same year as
Carter
Khomeini
and the hostages

My mother looked at me
her firstborn- she read "To Kill A Mockingbird" the nite b4 I was born
and said:

"Don't worry Dev- we will get thru this (about my drinking at school- little did she gno there were other "get thrus" coming) We are survivors!"

Well that we are - my
dear
beautiful
mother

But I rather wish
I had been a
survivor like
you
and not
me

The human heart
is indeed
a Red Octopus

It seems to want to
envelope with love
or strangle with hate
at the same time

If I found my door
would the answer
to this
and so many other things
lie behind it?

There are many more "notes" coming my friends- not to worry:-) Peace and God bless to anyone stopping by here! Thanks also for your kind, wonderful, sometimes hilarious and always very thoughtful comments- and wonderful links!. O guess which one is me in the pic- taken in London in 1982- me and me friend don't look too "dorky" or too American do we:-)